


Two Sides To a Coin

by DraketheDragon



Series: Servant Shenanigans [2]
Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Can't believe genderfluid Fujimaru Ritsuka isn't a tag yet, Coming Out, Gen, Genderfluid Fujimaru Ritsuka, that's pretty much it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:08:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26323147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraketheDragon/pseuds/DraketheDragon
Summary: For the first singularity, Gudako managed, although it was hard sometimes, to hear she instead of he, to wear the skirts and the woman's outfit when he most certainly was not. It was okay most of the time, because most of the time he was truly a she, but sometimes, some days were different. When he was not Gudako but Gudao, when he sat there with frustration building up in his throat because he wanted to say something but he wasn’t sure what to say. He was humanity's last hope, he was supposed to lead these Heroes from the past to save the world, how many of them would leave if they knew the truth?Ritsuka was not used to keeping this trapped between teeth, once upon a time, it had been spilled as soon as it was known.But now some days he was screaming on the inside, his smile fixed in place, because he wasn’t sure what would happen if he told.
Series: Servant Shenanigans [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854901
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Two Sides To a Coin

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! This idea physically grabbed me in the shower and I typed it up in like, under an hour, so yeah! Anyway, comments and kudos are always appreciated, hope you enjoy, and have a wonderful day!
> 
> And as for the timing, if you've read the rest of my Servant Shenanigans series, I guess this would be considered a prequel?

For the first singularity, Gudako managed, although it was hard sometimes, to hear she instead of he, to wear the skirts and the woman's outfit when he most certainly was not. It was okay most of the time, because most of the time he was truly a she, but sometimes, some days were different. When he was not Gudako but Gudao, when he sat there with frustration building up in his throat because he wanted to say something but he wasn’t sure what to say. He was humanity's last hope, he was supposed to lead these Heroes from the past to save the world, how many of them would leave if they knew the truth?

Ritsuka was not used to keeping this trapped between teeth, once upon a time, it had been spilled as soon as it was known. 

But now some days he was screaming on the inside, his smile fixed in place, because he wasn’t sure what would happen if he told.

She told Da Vinci first, when it became too much, some time after the second Singularity. Perhaps because the inventor would understand, she used to be male in life, was female in death, perhaps she would know what it was like to be a girl one day then a boy the next. So Gudako told her, fists bunched in her lap, eyes down cast, and Da Vinci listened through it all as her frustrations spilled from her lips. 

“You’re being silly,” She said, finally, and Gudako looked up, eyes wide. Da Vinci sent a smile her way, bright as the noonday sun. “Every spirit here has accepted your summons, and you accepted them. Not as tools, but as people, with all their flaws and quirks that make them who they are. Why should they not do the same to you?”

Gudako froze, “It’s not the same.”

“Is it not?” One eyebrow rose, teasing smile still in place.

Gudako wanted to argue, but found herself stalling. Perhaps it was the same, if marginally so, if only slightly, but suddenly she tasted hope. “How would I tell them? I don’t know how . . .”

And Da Vinci, who loved her plans and her surprises, smiled wider. “Then don’t tell them, show them.”

Mash was next, supportive as always, jumping into a clinging hug, her face buried in Gudako’s shoulder. “Thank you, senpai, for trusting me with this.”

Gudako’s heart swelled, Mash was a good friend, thrust into this mess with her. “Thank you for understanding,” she closed her eyes, slipped her arms around the Demi-Servant’s waist, and set her chin on her shoulder. “Da Vinci told me to show everyone instead of telling them, but I don’t know what she meant by that.”

Mash was silent for a while before speaking up again. “Perhaps an illusion or a glamour of kinds? For days when you are a he?” 

The thought was like lightning, and Gudako froze. “Mash, you’re a genius.”

How could she not have thought of it sooner?

It took him a few days to work up the courage, and when he dressed that morning he dressed with this mission in mind. Jeans, a t-shirt, the message too apt for what he has planned today. IN RETROSPECT I SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BED. It wasn’t too late, he could lay back down, pull the covers over his head, and hide. But if he didn’t do it today he wouldn’t do it at all, so he took a deep breath, pushed the door open, and walked out.

Medea’s room was always full of something, whether it be spell work or some kind of other craft, and when Ritsuka knocked on the door and she opened it, there was the sharp smell of incense in the air. He smiled, forced his nervousness down. “Hey Medea, can I come in for a moment?”

“Of course, Gudako, come on in.” She stepped aside, and he could feel her eyes on him as he winced at the name.

He walked in, the door swung shut beside him. He took a deep breath, then another. “Medea, I need your help with something. Please.”

She tilted her head, her eyes quick and sharp. “With what, Master?” Gone with Gudako, she had noticed the flinch. He closed his eyes, opened them again. Telling his parents and brother had been relatively easy, but now the words stuck in his throat. He felt like the world was spinning, like he was drowning. What if she refused? What if she recoiled in horror? What if, what if, what if? Something must have shown in his face, because worry flashed across hers, “Gudako?”

Perhaps he should have taken Mash up on her offer to be present for this. Her steady strength would have been nice. “Medea, I -” He swallowed, “I -”

Her face didn’t quite shut down, but something flashed across it. “This better not be a love confession Master, my heart is quite taken.”

He knew that, oh he knew, he’d witnessed some of her dreams about the assassin turned teacher, but still, it was unexpected, the laughter burst up, and suddenly, it seemed so easy to say. “No, that’s not it. I need an illusion, please, one that I can put on at any time.” He stalled, the words sticking once again.

“Oh?” An encouragement, curiosity in her eyes.

“It’s for me.” Her eyes widened, and then the words were spilling out, as if a damn had broken somewhere within. “Sometimes I’m not a girl, sometimes I’m a boy but I’ve been afraid to say anything because I’m supposed to lead you all and how can I do that if you don’t respect me but it's so hard to keep a secret and I talked to Da Vinci and she said to show everyone and then Mash said an illusion and that brought me here but it's fine I can just find someone else truly you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to -”

“Fujimaru, you’re rambling,” her voice cut through his panicked speech. His throat was dry, he swallowed. She smiled, and it wasn’t Da Vinci’s day - bright grin, or Mash’s hesitant yet bubbly smile, it was sharp as a knife without drawing blood. “Are you male or female today?”

“Male.”

She nodded, “And what shall I call you?”

The strength drained from his knees, but he could feel his own smile blooming on his face. “Gudao. Gudao is fine.”

When he walked out of Medea’s room, the illusion was in place, tied to a necklace with his family's names engraved into the metal. “A gift,” she had said, “no price, but don’t expect any more favors of this strength for a while now.” She was back to brewing spells, and he was now walking the halls. The illusion was taller than him, not by much, a couple of centimetres, that was all. The illusion had blue eyes, black hair, different from his normal orange. When he looked down at his fingers, they were still long and slender, but the hands were a tad bigger. The truth was no longer hidden, trapped inside, now it was draped across his shoulders, obvious to any who looked.

He took a breath, glanced around, people were watching him, curiosity on their faces. Servants, his Servants, were watching him too. Gudako had walked in, but an unnamed boy walked out. With another breath, slightly easier to take, he walked forwards, stepping up to where Proto stared down at him with a confused face. “Master?”

“Hey Proto,” he grinned, nudging the Lancer with his elbow. “It’s me.”

“But - I -” His red eyes flashed in confusion.

“Gudao, for today.” He stuck out a hand, “and we’ll see about tomorrow.”

Proto stared at it, then took it, shaking it numbly. He noticed that it was just an illusion, it was in the widening of his eyes, but he didn’t comment, just sent a grin, slightly awkward but definitely there. “Okay, Gudao, are we still on a farming run today?”

He laughed, “Yes, you know farming runs don’t wait for anyone. See you around!”

“See ya!” Proto replied as Gudao raced off.

His chest was feeling lighter now, even though the stares continued. It was alright, things were going to be alright.

And they were.


End file.
